Bonfire season

...Gone insane, but the memory remains!

As the opening lyrics of the Wall Street Warrior's theme song end, a muffled scream can be heard, followed by the thunderous sound of some heavy object on wheels clattering through the area immediately behind the TitanTron. Suddenly, a wheeled chair rolls out onto the stage. Taped to it is a man, his face obscured by a black cloth sack, his form duct taped to the chair's back and seat in several places. The crowd gasps in shock at the sight, and then the demented creature known as the Wall Street Warrior follows behind, a metallic can held by its handle in one hand and a barbecue lighter in the other.

Taz
What the Hell is this nutcase doing?

Cole
I'm not sure, Taz, but whoever that is in the chair... we've got to get that guy some help!

...Like twisted vines that grow,
That hide and swallow mansions whole
And dim the light of an already-faded prima donna!

Warrior raises his arms above his head, some of the clear liquid in the can sloshing over the side and dropping onto his black, unbuttoned suit-jacket and bare chest. Then he lowers his arms, and with a booted foot, kicks the chair so that it starts rolling wildly down the ramp. The man on the chair screams for the entire ride down before the chair collides with the apron and tips over. His screams are drowned out by the booing of the crowd and the Warrior's cackles as he saunters down the ramp and to the ringside, placing the objects on the apron before sitting the chair back up and climbing up on the apron behind it. When he is looming over the man in the chair, his screaming still muffled, Warrior tears the sack off of his head, revealing the face of Paul Heyman. Then the Warrior shouts something incomprehensible as he grabs Heyman by his hair and pulls, dragging the man -- and the chair he is taped to -- up onto the apron and between the top and middle ropes, though not without considerable resistance.

Taz
Holy crap, Cole! He's got Heyman! He's got Heyman! Where the Hell's Punk and Michaels? How the Hell... what's that smell?

Cole
I think I smell gasoline, Taz. I'm starting to feel nauseous.

As the Warrior's music cuts out, a member of the PWL staff tosses a microphone into the ring. He snatches it up, pacing in circles around Heyman and twitching violently.

Warrior
Ladies and gentlemen, maggots and laymen,
I give you the idiot fat-man Paul Heyman!

There is a mixed reaction as Warrior cackles into the microphone, his characteristic "hee hee hee! Hee hee! HEEE HEE HEE!" echoing around the arena before he starts growling.

Warrior
Arrrrgh, must be quick! Must be quick before the superkick!

Warrior grabs the metallic can and the lighter, and begins to approach Heyman, whose eyes are wide with terror as he shakes his head and tries to push himself away. Eventually the chair backs into the ropes, trapping the manager of the Heyman Guys, and Warrior pushes it back to the center of the ring before upending the can on Heyman's head. The stench of gasoline fills the area surrounding the ring, and fans in the front rows begin to gasp as they realize what's about to happen.

Taz
Oh my God, Cole! Where the Hell's security!

Almost as if on queue, two burly men wearing vests reading SECURITY rush down the ramp and slide into the ring, but Warrior charges them both as they clamber to their feet and clotheslines them up and over the ropes onto the floor below.

Cole
Heyman is managing two of the most despicable men in the PWL, and he's a piece of work himself. But nobody deserves this!

Warrior cackles with insane glee as he turns back to Heyman, who is trying to push away again, but this time he is held fast by the deranged man's foot on the base of the chair. Warrior raises the hand with the lighter in the air, and then yells into the microphone.

Warrior
IT'S BONFIRE SEASON! WHO'S READY FOR SOME ROAST HAM? HEE HEE HEE! (Warrior traces a finger along the balder spot of Heyman's head, which is sweating now, and then pops the finger in his mouth. He makes a face as he shouts into the microphone a second time.) BLECH. GREASY.

Warrior sparks the igniter and prepares to set Heyman on fire, but is delayed and lowers the device when a familiar song booms into the arena and the Titantron lights up with the entrance video of another superstar...